Pets, Foreign Parents and Babies

Before I begin on my rant, I want you to keep this question on mind: “are you going to get rid of the dogs when your daughter is born”?... If you’re American, ie. born in western society then you would probably answer this with…NO!!!.…. exactly. Every time you scroll throw any pictures that have to do with the American dream you probably see a family: mother, father, a few kids and a dog; most likely a golden retriever or poodle. Right… Or just look at any picture of the All-American family… you know the presidential family.

Take a look at Obamas or Bush’s family portrait both families have a dog in their family picture. To the Americans it’s a no brainer, dogs are part of the family. BUT!...oh yes there is an exception… To foreigners ie. my people and maybe some of your people “they are not”. If you’ve traveled outside of the country to third-world countries like Dominican Republic. You would find a dog outside probably running wild in the streets with no more than an ounce of fat on him. Not saying that the dog is in great shape, quite the opposite. The dog is probably starving to death. If this happened in the great U.S that owner would be arrested on the spot. I remember a few years back my uncle came from Dominican Republic to visit, and we somehow got on the subject of allergies. I told him that my dog has allergies and sensitive skin so I have to have him on meds and feed him special food ie. expensive dog. Without blinking, he looked at me as if I were an idiot. He said: Tie your dog up to a tree and feed him plantain peels, that’ll fix him. To this day, I have yet to find what that means outside of something unpleasant.

Okay back to the point. My wife and I are currently on a life changing train. We are expecting our first child, a beautiful baby girl. Each visit my parents make to my house, they never forget to ask if we are keeping the dogs. Instead, they ask my wife and me the same question in a varying elaborate ways. Without skipping a beat. Some times before even bringing up the question, they might start off with an extreme story of dogs attacking babies. My wife has gotten pretty good at come backs lately. I think the last time she had a Facebook post, you know one of those that has about a dozen pictures of how dogs save peoples life’s in extreme cases. Like: “dog saves mountain climber stuck between rocks for six days!” or “dog calls police after owner has stroke”.

So what’s the answer to the almighty question… only time will tell, for now we will simply go with the flow and hope for the best.

No Pain No Gain…?

I used to be a personal trainer and into the entire mindset of the philosophical phrase “no pain no gain”. Even after my years as trainer and I remained an avid fitness enthusiast, I continued to… push it even if it hurt. My wife and I have been together for quite some time now, and over the years we have motivated and encouraged each other through school or a few 5ks here and there. I guess in a way she has always looked at me as the “pusher” ie. her personal motivator. Well folks, I have seen something for what in the simplest terms is “scary”. No wait… undeniably scary! If you’re laughing please stop. What I saw today can only be described as “hell no” I rather take the pain then go through that. And…no I’m not talking about childbirth, even though I’m sure that it is incredibly painful. Unless you ask my wives grandmother who feels urinary tract infections are more painful. Before you smirk at her, she has had like seven children so… maybe she has a point or is cucu. Either way, respect your elders.

So what’s this “scary” thing… It’s part of our plan. During the past 8 plus months of pregnancy my wife and have had to develop a birth plan. Part of our plan has to do with the magic question: “go natural or hello drugs”? My wife and I have thought long and hard about it… we decided on natural until it hurts so much that we need an epidural. Until today, I have only spoken about the epidural. I have only demonstrated the ability to throw out statements like: “so once the epidural is in you will not feel anything making the labor process…easier right”. Oh how naïve have I been. Today, my friends our beloved physician showed us the “epidural needle”. I kid you not, 7 or 8 inches. This thing was long and thick. At this point, my stomach literally turned inside out. After our session with the doc., I found a new level of love and admiration for my wife. Because, if I were in her shoes… I would be too much of a PU### to go through with it.

Baby Class or Sex Class

My wife and I have been going to our baby courses for almost a month now with each bringing new adventure. With great power comes great responsibility, right… At least that’s what they say prior to a life changing event. ie. Baby! Todays’ course, I kid you not… resembled a sex class I know what you’re thinking, no you’re exaggerating. Trust me, I wish that I was. Our course began with the instructor guiding the to be fathers and mothers on ten exercises which all touched on the subject of comforting your “partner” with a massage or relaxation activity. The idea of the massage and relaxation is to be there for our expecting mothers during their time of need ie. labor. By this point, the instructor already had ten different stations set up around the room. Some stations had exercise balls; I’m talking about those really big inflatable balls you see at gyms. Other stations had yoga mats or chairs positioned in what I originally called “interesting position for a chair”.

Our instructions came simple: pick a location and follow the instructions at each location. All this took place with the lights dimmed. My wife and I first started at a pretty simple station: stand behind your partner while she bends over on the counter and massage her lower back. At this point, I didn’t really see the position as anything too “sexual”. Probably because I didn’t have a mirror in front of me. While massaging my wife, I looked across the room and saw a couple with the father seated on a chair facing his partner who had her head down on his crotch while on her knees… It didn’t stop there… On the other side of the room a couple positioned with the father on his knees and his partner directly stationed in what we call the “doggy style position”. He was “all” up in there. At this point, I was really shocked. Are we in the right class?

I stopped massaging my wife and asked her to look around the room. She took a quick look and replied: “didn’t know we paid for a sex class”. I smiled and said well now it’s worth the money…

Photo Booth

Baby photos are becoming quite a hit lately. I know my wife and I have already paid, well if you ask me too much, for our upcoming baby photos. Everyone has their cute and adorable pictures with their baby nestled in a basket wearing a hand knitted head band with an over sized flower just topping it of perfectly. What a beauty! As a “to be dad” I’m getting pretty excited about the whole picture idea with a new born baby. Primarily because this will be one of the only opportunities that I will have in my daughter’s life to make some embarrassing photos that can serve very reliable when boys start to become the problem. I also want to get a few shots that I can use for her yearbook; you know…something that everyone will remember for all the years to come.  

 I found this picture on Pinterest as a motivational shot (hopefully my wife will allow it...)

 http://www.pinterest.com/pin/2533343513670593/

 

Baby Classes 101

This past weekend my wife and I went to our first baby course one out of five. Yes,… I know we are a bit late. The point is, who came up with the idea to bring a bunch of pregnant couples together into one room. Our instructor gave us this one activity where we had to split up two teams (Dads) on one and (Moms) on the other. All of the dads went into another room to write down the Best and Worst things in our so precious pregnancy (from a dad’s point of view).  After spending about ten minutes in an isolated room full of dads, no one said any truth for the worst. You know…truths like: farts that wake you in the night. I’m serious, my wife the other night farted so loud that I woke up and reached for the gun. I literally thought someone had broken into the house. Crazy thing is that, I asked my wife if she heard it and my loving wife said “no, go back to sleep”. Next morning she told me the truth. Going back to the baby class, not one guy talked about the endless massaging that in my current third trimester have led me to belief that I have carpal tunnel symptoms. But the truth is, each one of us “to be dads” know the rules we know what to say and when to say…like clockwork. To tell you the truth that’s why none of us said any truthful negatives to the whole pregnancy duration. We knew that once those words got on that paper our wives would have read it and well… hells to pay to make that up.

Next activity included a very detailed chart similar to one of those seen in the hospital when they ask you about your pain tolerance. You know, “no pain means a one so normal face” and “high pain means ten with a crazy looking face”. The instructor told the dads to really get to know their wives pain tolerance so that we could have a good idea of when she “really” needed pain medication.  We were told to practice reading our wives faces and know when to provide support in the form of “come on love give me three more contractions”. I don’t know about anyone else in that class but I do know my wife and what her faces mean. On the way home I told my wife that if I saw her face at a 5 or a 6 on the pain chart I would try and motivate her with a line “keep pushing beautiful you’re doing great give me three more”. My wife seating across from me looked over and said “you give me the drugs when I tell you to or I’ll walk my pregnant butt and find them”. Yes ma’am

Being an Uncle

My older brother recently had his first daughter Leilani. She came out with a full head of hair and eyes that held a bluish greyish hue. Absolutely beautiful, it was obvious to everyone that she did not take after my brother. When babies are born it seems that everyone wants to gather around in an unconscious circular format to pass around the baby (my turn... my turn). When it was my turn, I first asked for a pass then caught a glimpse of my wife which meant hold the baby. I held her and rocked her in what seemed the most uncomfortable position. It’s literally like you don’t want to hold her too tight, too far or too close. My arms perked out as if I was making a basketball hoop shape. As I held her she opened her little eyes and looked up at me. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to walk towards my wife and whisper to the baby “say hello to your real mother and father”. My brother heard me and took his daughter back. I told him that I was just trying to get a feel for the real thing given that my daughter is only weeks away. It’s fun though, holding such a small and delicate person in your arms while her mother and everyone else is over your shoulder yelling: “watch her neck”, “don’t squeeze to hard”, “hold her up a bit more”, “to this…to that”. I tried to tell them that my uncle instincts kicked in. Since becoming an uncle, I’ve tried to spend more time watching my brother and his fiancé care for their daughter. It has given me the opportunity to practice my daddy skills. Trial and error if you will.  

On another note my brother is officially a father for the first time. He seems to be taking it pretty well. Wait that doesn’t sound like something one should say to a new father. He loves being a father. Fun fact about my brother: he does not have a sense of smell. Long story, same ending: can’t smell.  I’m actually pretty jealous that he doesn’t have a sense of smell. Think  about it, It’s perfect for a father since he doesn’t have to smell his daughters dirty diaper every two hours. I asked him the other day, “When you’re alone with her how do you know when it’s time to change her?”… He looked at me and smiled… “The vibrations man”. I wish I couldn’t smell.