Baby Classes 101

This past weekend my wife and I went to our first baby course one out of five. Yes,… I know we are a bit late. The point is, who came up with the idea to bring a bunch of pregnant couples together into one room. Our instructor gave us this one activity where we had to split up two teams (Dads) on one and (Moms) on the other. All of the dads went into another room to write down the Best and Worst things in our so precious pregnancy (from a dad’s point of view).  After spending about ten minutes in an isolated room full of dads, no one said any truth for the worst. You know…truths like: farts that wake you in the night. I’m serious, my wife the other night farted so loud that I woke up and reached for the gun. I literally thought someone had broken into the house. Crazy thing is that, I asked my wife if she heard it and my loving wife said “no, go back to sleep”. Next morning she told me the truth. Going back to the baby class, not one guy talked about the endless massaging that in my current third trimester have led me to belief that I have carpal tunnel symptoms. But the truth is, each one of us “to be dads” know the rules we know what to say and when to say…like clockwork. To tell you the truth that’s why none of us said any truthful negatives to the whole pregnancy duration. We knew that once those words got on that paper our wives would have read it and well… hells to pay to make that up.

Next activity included a very detailed chart similar to one of those seen in the hospital when they ask you about your pain tolerance. You know, “no pain means a one so normal face” and “high pain means ten with a crazy looking face”. The instructor told the dads to really get to know their wives pain tolerance so that we could have a good idea of when she “really” needed pain medication.  We were told to practice reading our wives faces and know when to provide support in the form of “come on love give me three more contractions”. I don’t know about anyone else in that class but I do know my wife and what her faces mean. On the way home I told my wife that if I saw her face at a 5 or a 6 on the pain chart I would try and motivate her with a line “keep pushing beautiful you’re doing great give me three more”. My wife seating across from me looked over and said “you give me the drugs when I tell you to or I’ll walk my pregnant butt and find them”. Yes ma’am